The Guru says NO!!

Sunday 21/12/08

Vernon Park 10:30am

Robin Hood FC v Backup United

Normally as I walk toward Vernon Park on a Sunday I can hear the usual rumblings of Sunday league footballers. Which basically consists of a lot of swearing and piss taking. Today was different, I got closer and closer to the park and could not hear a thing? Hmm what's going off. My questions were answered as soon as I enter the park proper. The Robin Hood v Back United is the only game here today. Typically all the pitches will have a game on plus there is always a kids game going off, any of you that have been near a kids game of football will know of the amount of noise the parents make egging on little Timmy "TO GET STUCK IN SON!". But non of that the Robin had the park all to themselves.

Backup United are having a very similar season to the Robin, 'Nothing to write home about' Going into the game they were below the Robin but only on goal difference. The Robin have played Backup a considerable amount of times in fact they have been part of the fixtures ever since I started venturing out on a Sunday mornings to watch. So it have the makings of a good game.

Peep Peep and the first half is underway. The Robin start well looking good going forward, lets hope that the finishing touch that eluded them last week returns. That worry is put away early on as eight minutes in J-Lo goes on a mini maze up and hits a low hard shot to the right hand side past the keeper GOAL!!! Robin 1 - 0 Backup. Despite going one nil up the Robin are looking venerable still. The venerability is exposed on fifteen minutes as Backup break GOAL!!! The back four are not happy. Robin 1 - 1 Backup. The equaliser has rocked the Robin somewhat nineteen minutes Backup gain a throw in on the right, a long run up followed by a long throw in to the Robin's area cause the Robin's defence to be at 6's and 7's Backup take advantage and take the lead GOAL!!! Robin 1 - 2 Backup. The game is very open there is definitely more goals in this one. The Robin rally and are award a free kick from the left on the twenty first minute. Ali "sex pest" Brown drills a curling ball into Backup's six yard box GOAL!!!! its hit the back of the net, Kebab runs off claiming the goal with Ali disputing that anyone got a touch and it went in directly off his free kick, later in the pub the goal will be awarded to Kebab but who cares. Robin 2 - 2 Backup. The Robin are giving Backup's number twelve far too much room to play and he is with out doubt Backup's best player. The Robin make the mistake of inviting Backup on to them, a Backup player lets rip with a low drive from outside the area which flash low and hard across the Robin's goal despite his dive Adam can do nothing about it as the ball settles in the back of the net twenty six minutes gone GOAL!!! Robin 2 - 3 Backup. To say this game is going back and forth would be an understatement, the ref is coming under some stick for questionable decision. Two minutes to go and Robin have a corner, can they make it count, another excellent delivery by Ali "sex pest" Brown, sees Skip connect with a powerful header giving Backup's keeper no chance GOAL!!! Robin 3 - 3 Backup. That's the last action of the half. Phew what a half!

ROBIN 3 - 3 BACKUP

Time for the second half and Kyle is replaced by Gattuszola up front. Lets see if this half is as crazy as the first, it would not disappoint. The midfield for the robin is operating well though not affording the level of protection for the back four they should. Fifthy fourth minute Ali "sex pest" Brown finds himself on the left hand side of Backup's box with Gattuszola powering into the box GOAL!!! Great ball in by Ali "sex pest" Brown and a quality diving header (there are not enough in the game) by Gattuszola. Robin 4 - 3 Backup. The Robin get back there lead how will they cope. Just eight minutes after gaining the lead the Robin capitulate again allowing Backup back into it Goal!!! Robin 4 - 4 Backup. Arrgh! what's going on, the Robin are shaken and heads have gone, once again there is confusion in the Robin's box the ball is not cleared away, sixty nine minutes GOAL!!! Obi-Wan O.G. NO!!! if it were not for bad luck the Robin would have no luck at all. Robin 4 - 5 Backup. The Robin need to dig deep, with the way this game is going there is more goals to be had and on the eighty second minute the Robin's prayers are answered when Skip pops up in Backup's area to poach and equaliser GOAL!!! Robin 5 - 5 Backup. Thank god for that, well thank Skip for scoring, its at this point that the Gaffer is thinking that he could bring himself up front to snatch the winner, the Guru soon puts pay to that idea. Peep Peep full time what a game five five that's a playground score.

Player Ratings

Adam - 6

Welshy - 6

Obi-Wan - 7

Wayne - 9

Kebab - 7

Chrissy - 7

Ali "sex pest" Brown - 8

Skip - 8

J-Lo - 8.5

Pone - 6

Kyle - 5

Subs

Gattuszola - 7.5

The Robin Hood MAN OF THE MATCH sponsored by the fruit machine in the lounge

WAYNE

Right everyone who is out xmas eve in the Robin you need to be on form as there will be a special edition blog, to recount your xmas eve shenanigans (up to the point I can remember) so i want you all on your baddest behaviour bring on Santa!!!!

Double Robbery at Local Park!!!

Sunday 14/12/08
Vernon Park 10:30am
Robin Hood FC v Tricolore

Vernon Park but its an away game, No sausage and bread Bugger!. OK its kinda cold but not as bad as last week, the game is on for a start but that does mean no beer + brekkie combo at spoons. So a Mickey-D's will have to do.

Where is everybody?? The Robin Hood's squad is some what depleted today. But the boys are troopers hopefully some of the momentum from the win over Station Hotel two weeks ago is still flowing through the boys... Lets see.

Peep Peep, and the game is under way. Robin start well knocking the ball about confidently, Tricolore don't look like they have much to offer, but they have won four games leading up to this one. The half continues and the Robin go in search of the cutting edge that has been so intermitent this season. Cammy "Terminator" is running his heart out and showing what a engine he has. Oppotunities come and go but that decisive finish is missing. More good work for the Robin comes from the wing where Ben "J-Lo" is haveing a cracking half tracking back as well as attacking. Adam is having a quiet half in the sticks due to the efforts of the boys in front of him, and saying that Tricolore's keeper has not really been troubled either. The half pans out pretty uneventfuly and the half time whistle goes.

Robin Hood 0 - 0 Tricolore.

If the first half was handed back to the studio for the pundits to analyse they would say that the Robin probably edged it by having the better of the half and if they can turn that slight advantage into a goal they would go on to win it. Or Jamie Redknapp would just say something daft and get a interesting look from Richard keyes.

Anyway enough of that nonsense its time for the second half.

The second half starts where the first left off, with the Robin probing (ooh er!) Tricolore looking for the opening goal that they know they have in them. Sixty minutes, against the run of play and Tricolore take the lead GOAL!!!!!! What happened they have not threaten all game! Arrgh!

Robin Hood 0 - 1 Tricolore. Lets see how the Robin respond. Heads look down this is not a good sign. J-Lo and Terminator continue their excellent games showing the quality they had in the first half. But the Robin are looking a little sluggish, and a sucker punch comes on the seventy second minute, a ball driven into the Robin's box, Tricolore players gets his head to it, GOAL!!!!! F**K! Robin Hood 0 - 2 Tricolore. The Robin are disconbobulated, Kebab is not happy at the back and he is letting everyone know it. Robin's efforts are laboured and six minutes after conceding the second they give up a third, GOAL!!! Robin Hood 0 - 3 Tricolore. This scoreline is flattering Tricolore and that is not an understatment, Robin are ruing missed oppotunities. The finishing touch has dessereted them for another week. Too inconsistent is the Robin's ability to put the ball in the back of the net. Goal!!!!! Late on an own goal gives Robin a little bit of honour back on a scoreline that in all honesty is underserved. Robin Hood 1 - 3 Tricolore.

Back at the Robin and the lads disect the game and their own performances, gutted is the atmosphere, but non more gutted than Pone. Not only had the Robin been robbed with the result, but Pone was actually ROBBED, tracky bottoms containing a mobile phone, forty quid, and an item of immense sentimental value GONE. But fair dues to him he took it in his stride and rode out the piss taking from the other lads.

Player Ratings

Adam - 5

Welshy - 7

Terminator - 8

Kebab - 6

Chrissy Sykes - 6

J-Lo - 8.5

Ali "Sex Pest" Brown - 7

Charlie - 6

Kyle - 7

Pone - 7

Subs

Skip - 6

Shaggy - 6.5

The Pickled Onions and Crisps on the bar Man of the Match

J-lo

(Finally a quick apology to Shaggy, I would like to apologise for taking ten minutes out of my day to school you at pool ha ha, you did not think I'd write this whole thing without mentioning it!)

Full English and a Beer Please Love

Sunday 07/12/08

10:30am

Witherspoons Mapperly Top!!!!!

Quarter finals of the Section Cup, and its cold, really cold. A nice drive in the country side taking in this green and pleasant land and we arrive in Calverton!!! Jack Frost had made it before us and had spread a generous coating of ice all over the pitch, its unlikely to thaw that, games off!!!. Boo. The lads are disappointed, but there is a plan. "Right you lot, get in ya motors we are off to the new Witherspoons on Mapperly top for a full English and a bevvie" The 24 hour licencing laws not so daft now are they.

Now it looks as if all of the Sunday league games in Nottingham had been called off, the whole pub was packed with Sunday morning gladiators glad to be in out the cold and all discussing what excuse to use with the missus for having a beer at this time on a Sunday morning.

The Boys pile in and soon the tills are ringing to the sound of a thousand farm house breakfasts being ordered. Seats are allocated, well first come first serve, though Wayne gets his choice of course. Before you know it the banter starts to fly with the usual name calling, the questioning of each others sexuality, and general tall tales of drinking exploits. Soon the breakfasts start to arrive and Wayne begins to regal us with tales from his past that leave us crying with laughter and stood / sat in amazement, the after dinner speaking circuit is definitely a career option for him. Adam is last to get his breakfast despite being the loudest, but not sure he enjoyed it as spent most of the time eating it while keeping an eye on the vultures around him who were just looking to pick off a sausage.

Bellies full, the disappointment of the canceled game is fading and a satisfied look crosses the lads faces. Oh to be a teenager again the young lads have made their minds up they are going to the park anyway for a kick about and a game of Premiership Knock Out (what ever happened to plain old knock out) Where as the old heads are having non of it. Well time to head for the Robin and on the way have "Young" Ali Brown reveal what a wimp he is openly admitting that even to slightest punch would send him off crying!!.

Player Ratings

Wayne - 1,000,000

Adam - minus 3

Kebab - Smells

Pone - 2 (one for each tassel on his hat!)

J-Lo - 13

Kyle Minogue - 6.7842333

Welshy - Foreign

Ali "Sex Pest" Brown - 69

Charlie - 550bhp

The Gaffer - Short

The Guru - Big

Obi-Wan - Obi-1

Chrissy - In the top 6

Skip - ?????

Gattuszola - Over enthusiastic

Do-Nut - 0 (never really turned up)

Blog Boy - Lost somewhere in that sleeping bag he calls a coat!

MAN OF THE MATCH

Wayne

Excellent skills keeping everyone alert and laughing through the whole morning

As it was a cup game that was postponed it has been re-arranged for next week 14/12/08.

Fucking Late, Fucking Cold, Fucking Hell!!!

Sunday 30/11/08

Nabbs Lane 10:30am

Robin Hood FC v Station Hotel

!!!!bang Bang BANG!!!!! three loud knocks on The Gaffer's bedroom door, and a shout of "Glen its 9:05!!", "Fucking Hell" was the reply and that's how the Sunday started. Looks like the nights revelry's had taken hold of The Gaffer, too much was the winning performance by PornStar Paul on the "Xmas Factor", over awed by his Elvis tribute with Blog Boy, and just down right bemused by The Guru's and Blog Boys "Road to Amarillo" dance around the whole of the Robin's lounge had all combined to make The Gaffer over sleep on a Sunday for the first time in a very very very long time!!!

After a mad dash and The Guru tutting and tapping his watch we were on our way, a quick stop at the Robin's car park to pick up a few others then off to deepest, darkest Hucknall!!!!

Today's oppo Station Hotel go into this game top of the league with only two defeats so far this season. Standing freezing outside listening to The Gaffer's rallying cry geeing up the boys, which was needed as many of them were nursing hangovers.

OK, time for kick off. Typical start to a Sunday league affair with each team trying to suss each other out. Despite the League detailing a gulf in class between the two teams (on paper at least) The Robin are holding there own with a impressive work rate to match. Talking to Do-Nut on the sidelines I comment on how impressed I was that it is quarter of an hour into the first half and the Robin are yet to concede (a little pessimistic I suppose lol). Eighteen minutes in and The Robin are award a free kick half way into Station's half on the right hand side. The lads gather in the box and Skip stands over the ball. Any one who has ever seen Skip play knows he has a hammer of a left foot on him, not to disappoint he thunders the ball into the danger area Station's keeper fumbles the ball a scramble ensues and up pops Pone to drive home a 40mm stunner GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Station 0 - 1 Robin. (Fuck!!! I owe Pone a pint now!!! stupid bet). Well I did not see that coming, The Robin look ten foot tall after the goal and everyone is putting in the fabled 110%. Twenty one minutes in and the Robin get another free kick again Skip stand over it ready to deliver. Another powerful effort into the box, GOAL!!!!! A great header, how did he beat the keeper, shame it was not a Robin head on it cause they would have been bragging about it in the pub for weeks. Own Goal, a shell shocked Station stand in dis-belief. Station 0 - 2 Robin. This is the first time the Robin have had a two goal advantage this season, lets see what they do from here. The game goes back and forth with the Robin looking the more dangerous and the Station not living up to their top of the table stats. Thirty two minutes, Station make a break into the box, Kebab comes across to intercept and slides in for the challenge, PEEP PEEP, Penalty the Robin are stunned but the Ref waves away the protest. GOAL!!!! Station draw one back from the penalty spot, this is going to be a real test of Robin's metal. The first half ends with things pretty much the same as they had been through out the half.

STATION 1 - 2 ROBIN

Second half, kicks off and the Station know what they have to do. The Robins work rate is commendable. Station are offering a bit more in this half so the Robin have some defending to do. the first part of the second half plays out with Station attacking with the Robin hitting them on the counter. Considering the hangovers this is the best I have seen them play since the four four draw with Pheasant Inn. The latter part of the second half is different as Station go in search of an equaliser, but the Robin working well as a unit are keeping them out. This continues and Adam is forced to make some cracking (if with slight suspicion for the cameras) saves to keep Station at bay. The ninety minutes is up and the ref seems to be playing endless injury time. The Robin gain a throw in on the left hand side, the gaffer is screaming at Kebab to throw it to the corner to waste time. Ignoring the Gaffer's instruction, Kebab launches one Delap style into Station's box, Skip manages to bring it down, turn on a sixpence and bury into to roof of the net!! GOAL!!!!! Station 1 - 3 Robin. After what seems like for ever the ref blows up for full time. MAGIC. Robin have beat top of the league and got their first league win of the season. The boys are jubilant and the celebrations are taken back to the Robin a great atmosphere and banter ensues.

Be proud of yourselves boys great result and it shows you that you have what it takes. This should be the catalyst for the rest of the season. Quarter finals of the cup next, COME ON LADS lets bring back some silverware this year!!!

Player Ratings

Adam - 9

Terminator - 8

Wayne - 8

Obi-Wan - 8

Kebab - 8

Charlie - 7

Skip - 10

"Young" Ali Brown - 7

Ben Ten - 9

Pone - 9

Kyle - 9

MOM

Skip